


Still Remember A Time When You Felt Like Home

by thecoloursinthegravel



Series: Two Years [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 16:32:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecoloursinthegravel/pseuds/thecoloursinthegravel
Summary: I still know everything about you.Even after all this time.Even though we’re strangers.I still know you, Calum.





	Still Remember A Time When You Felt Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am currently very ill and hoping to go to a chronic pain inpatient programme across the country as nothing has helped to ease the pain and I seem to only be getting worse and worse. I'd love to get back to writing and I miss posting on here every day. Absolutely no pressure at all, but if you have a little to spare and have enjoyed any of my writing, I would be so, so grateful if you would consider helping me raise the funds to travel to this hospital. 
> 
> If you wouldn't mind please looking at my ko-fi account: ko-fi.com/thecoloursinthegravel
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)  
> P.S. Sorry it isn't a link and you have to copy and paste!

I still know everything about you.

Like how you dreamt, since you were two, of flying to Mars one day.

You said you used to think there was something missing on Earth, that’s why so many people got sad, and that you’d find whatever it was on Mars. You’d find the answer to everyone’s happiness, and you’d bring it home.

I know about your fifth birthday party and the clown that made you wet yourself out of fear in front of all your friends.

I know about your sixth birthday party and the very strong “No Clowns Allowed” rule.

I know only a little about your eighteenth birthday. But that’s only because you were so drunk, you can’t remember most of it. I know what you do remember, though. I remember the night you told me about it, both of us giggling into glasses of whatever booze we could find at your parents’ house. The smell of it taking you back to when you were younger and overenthusiastic.

You had taken me home to meet your parents for the first time that night. We shared your old childhood bed, mattress barely big enough for the both of us.

I know your mum keeps photo albums not in chronological order, but it order of significance.

I know everyone else in your family thinks it’s ridiculous but I thought it was sweet that she thought your first day of school ranked higher than her own wedding day in importance. I also know that this bothers your big sister to no end but your mum reasoned that you’re her “little boy” and that she had to pick one to go first.

I know by the time you were twenty and we had been dating for a month that you changed your mind about going to Mars. I remember when you told me what you thought had been missing all those years. I remember our hands gripping tightly when you said, “You.”

I know you hum happily when you’re enjoying your food and I know you don’t even realise you’re doing it.

I know for the first year of our relationship you kept calling me in the middle of the night to check I still liked you. And I know when I started to say “I love you” you felt the need to check even more.

I know you love the city but not nearly as much as you love the beach.

I know the stretch of secluded sand that wraps around the coast, deserted, like you own it, is your favourite place in the whole world. I remember long days of breathing in salty sea air and fighting over who got the big towel and laughing until it hurt; golden sand sticking to our arms, legs, backs, cheeks.

I know as the months went on we both started working later, and suddenly there was less time for the beach.

I know when we started going to the beach less we started fighting more.

I know it made your head spin because it was all so stupid and meaningless; as if we were fighting for the sake of conversation.

I know the last month of our relationship made the skin on your forearm turn red from where you scratched at it incessantly; both a frustrated gesture and a weak attempt at scrubbing out the inevitability of what was coming.

I know when we broke up you went to our beach and cried for an hour on Luke’s shoulder.

Luke told me that one.

I know you went to stay with your parents for two months.

I know not seeing you at all made me feel sick.

I know when you came back and got a new flat to stay in, you bought a dog to fill up the space.

I know seeing you occasionally, now, makes me feel so empty I want to turn myself inside out just to check there’s nothing hiding in the corners.

I know, when I see you standing in supermarkets, staring at jars of pasta sauce, that you’re only trying to convince yourself to make one from scratch.

I know you’ll pick up the premade tomato and mushroom sauce and curse yourself just a tiny bit for caving again.

I know when you walk past me and don’t even catch my eye, my stomach twists with the discomfort of knowing we mean nothing to each other anymore.

I know how sad it is that after four years together, it only took two years apart to go back to being strangers.

But I know your favourite colour, the way you like your tea, the side of the bed you sleep on. I know how much you hate it when it rains but love it when it snows. I know a part of you still wants to see Mars one day, even if it was a childish dream. I know your favourite film, how you’re good with kids but no good with teenagers. I know the way you card your fingers through your hair when you’re nervous and bite the edge of your lip when you’re content.

I know the one alarm that actually gets you up in the morning.

I know the tv programmes you can’t stand, the music that makes your heart skip a beat and the songs that make you cry.

 

I still know everything about you.

Even after all this time.

Even though we’re strangers.

I still know you, Calum.

And in those moments when we pretend we haven’t seen each other, when we pass each other like nothing ever happened between us, I wish I didn’t.

 

 

 

                       

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Take What You Want by ONE OK ROCK ft. 5 Seconds Of Summer


End file.
